Trauma and Grief Hygiene

Young Indian girl, solemn

If we do not manage our trauma and grief, it manages us. Everyone I have ever met and gotten to know a bit, myself included, carries with us in our bodies the accumulated effects of everything we have ever gone through--unless we have had the opportunity and guidance to systematically release those effects from our system. In other words, the hurts we experienced as children, the interpersonal traumas of relationships in adulthood, and even the built-in dysfunctions of the culture at large, weigh on us until we release them. Umair Haque describes life in the United States of America as traumatizing--traumatizing in a way we do not typically detect.

So what can we do?

Lately I have noticed my sleep disturbed. I also noticed that in my evening yoga practice, sometimes my body will shake or tremble when I get into a certain pose. I remember that, like animals in the wild who get traumatized regularly by predators, human bodies, too, contain built-in somatic mechanisms for releasing trauma and grief. So have taken to dedicating time to release this built-up trauma and grief from my body before bed. When I do this regularly, my sleep improves. When I neglect to do it, I sleep poorly.

Counselor holding client curled up

Another helpful thing is getting regular release while being held by an attentive other--this is part of what I offer in my Wisdom of the Body counseling practice. Five years ago, I asked the question, Where can an adult go to get sustained, aware, nonsexual, restorative touch in a counseling context? In answer to that question, I developed Wisdom of the Body. Now we have a place! My dream is that this work becomes available everywhere.

It turns out that everything needed to do this kind of work effectively (good boundaries, energy literacy, clarity about pattern versus presence and so on) also helps us tremendously in our own personal lives. We just finished the nine-month Immersion personal growth training where we learned all that and more. The next Immersion starts October 2019 (website may still need updating, but you can learn about it). I postponed this year's Immersion due to my own chronic illness.

Later this month we'll be teaching some of those skills as applied to creating sustainable relationships. Mark your calendars for Thursday, October 25th. Learn more about Intimacy Ninja Skills for Lasting Relationships

This same workshop will also be offered Sunday, November 11th, 4-6:15 PM, and a Deep Dive version Saturday, November 17th, 10 AM - 6 PM. Sign up links coming soon, but you can mark your calendars now.

And if you'd like to explore how I can help you as an individual or couple or multiple-partnership, please book a free initial consultation.

Big love,


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