May 29, 2019

"Beingwithness" is the foundational relationship skill upon which all others are build

November 13, 2018

One thing I try to remember to say up front to the couples I work with is, "Love brings up everything unlike itself, so that we can heal it." This came from a quote I heard from Sondra Ray, via the late Geoffrey Karen Dior.

Let's take that a segment at a time. First,


Lo...

November 13, 2018

There's an old saying, that if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. The lesson underneath that saying has come to be known as "the law of the instrument"--for us to be careful about the tools we use lest we wind up using them inappropriately, substit...

October 30, 2018

What if I told you I could trace most of your cognitive stress to  a single two-letter word?

What's even spookier to me than the hordes of ghosts and goblins that come out this time of year, is the way our thinking gets derailed by this tiny word. It's like having zombi...

October 15, 2018

When Rey and Chris first came to me, they couldn't stop looking at each other. They moved their bodies almost in unison, and when each stopped to talk with me separately, it wasn't long before they found their way back to each other's eyes. It was as if they were a sin...

October 9, 2018

Many years ago, I loved someone who repeatedly lied to me, and failed to keep commitments. And yet, I kept going back. He always apologized, and was so kind and understanding. But I was becoming ill. I had lost fifteen pounds, even though I was eating mostly normally--...

October 2, 2018

If we do not manage our trauma and grief, it manages us. Everyone I have ever met and gotten to know a bit, myself included, carries with us in our bodies the accumulated effects of everything we have ever gone through--unless we have had the opportunity and guidance t...

July 12, 2018

I hesitate to share this truth. So I'll just say it. When I look around, I see that neglect is the norm in this culture. Some form of it, anyway. It’s built into much of parenting, schooling, workplaces, even traditional approaches to psychology and mental health. Wors...